When there are things I’ll never, ever understand



Life started out so easy. Go to school. Make friends with everyone because why wouldn’t you? Lunch. Recess. Come home and choose one half-hour TV show to watch before you brush your teeth.

And as we grew up into these individual people with personalities and conflicting views, life suddenly transformed into this thing that didn’t just happen, but we were supposed to figure out. What are you interested in doing and who do you like and are they actually, actually, right for you? Amex or Visa? Rent or buy?

Suddenly life got a lot more grey-zoned. Things weren’t black and white, and that made it hard and confusing and as life got hazier and hazier, you started to realize just how many things didn’t make any sense at all in this world – and how the hell were we supposed to successfully navigate our lives when we existed in a world where:

Lieutenant is pronounced Leftenant

I get the English language has weird rules – like how PH makes an F sound. Phone. Phrase. It’s a little strange, sure, but it’s consistent. LIEU is a WORD. It’s a WORD AND YOU PRONOUNCE IT LIKE LOO. So WHY does adding ‘tenant’ onto the end make it sound like left?

Dick is short for Richard

Like, why.

Bob is short for Robert

Again. Why.

People led us to believe acne was a teen phase.  

I mean, I’m a grown up. I have a LinkedIn profile and a corporate phone plan.I went from being an insecure teenager to someone with morals and a big ol’ backbone. I’ve changed and grown and become a fully functioning adult and I STILL HAVE TWO ZITS ON MY CHIN and last week I had one on my forehead and this has never stopped and it [seemingly] never will.

The name Lloyd has two L’s in it.

Grades go A B C D F. 

Where all the E’s at?

We learned to write cursive.

And this isn’t one of those rants about learning Algebra or long division or any other weird math formula that has yet to be relevant in my life. I still get why we were taught those. But learning cursive writing seems like such a strange, whimsical skill to ensure we all had.

Cameron Diaz is a famous actress

There are so many people who want to act and who are also really good at it and somehow Cameron DIaz continues to get cast in movies and I just don’t understand how or why.

There’s the expression “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”

There is probably a logical origin of this expression – but on the surface, you most definitely can do this. That’s what cake is for.

The Stock Market is a thing

A thing that’s so far over my head I can’t even try to reach it.


Can anyone actually grasp this concept? I’m an English Major and I still can’t. My girl Alanis obviously can’t either. Help a sister out.

People rant on Facebook to things or people who will never see it

“Dear guy who cut me off on the streetcar and didn’t acknowledge it – I’M A WOMAN AND THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO WALK ALL OVER ME.”

Once someone wrote one to a FLIGHT OF STAIRS which stuck out in my mind so much.

“Dear staircase I fell down this weekend: thanks for the fun trip to Emerg…”

Honestly. Why do we do this. We’ve lost ourselves in this fad of passive-agressively proving some sort of point to no one & it’s really strange. 

Raimbows are always in the same shape

Like, I understand the whole light hitting water = colours thing, but how do all those colours know to stand in order and form a nice little arch together?

So I suppose my point is this: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND LIFE WHEN THESE ARE THE RULES WE’RE PLAYING BY? It’s impossible – but hey, at least that takes a bit of pressure off. Of course life’s confusing and hazy because the world is really, really strange, and that’s okay. I suppose all we can do is give it a give it a big ol’ shot & learn from our mistakes & understand that maybe we don’t have to make sense of it all, we just have to enjoy whatever we’re doing 🙂 



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